Online Dating, 'chemistry,' and what makes the world go round

I had a friend of mine send me an interesting question about online dating, 'chemistry,' and whatnot and, with her permission of course, I decided I would post up our thread here (all names except for mine were excluded to protect those involved =P)

Friend: So I need your opinion. Why do guys place such an emphasis on instant chemistry? Since you told me you didn't feel any chemistry, I heard that from 2 other guys. I have 3 girlfriends who are also trying online meeting/dating and they keep hearing the same thing!! These are gorgeous, intelligent, successful women, and men are so quick to blow out after a brief meeting. Sure, no doubt chemistry IS important, but I think for girls it's much more than that, and for us chemistry comes after just one meeting. What is it that guys are expecting? Do you think it's realistic? Or is it just hormones that drives a man, then they'll decide later on if the girl is halfway intelligent to date?

Me: Hey there! Well this isn't a small question and definitely not one that I think would be well contained in email, but I'll answer a bit here and then if you like, we can chat about it via phone if you would like to converse about it.
This is really a tough question because honestly, everybody is different. Yeah, not exactly what you want to hear, but it's true, and what drives a person to say that the 'chemistry' is not right means something different to everyone. Hell, even this weekend, i was talking with a girl and she explained about a 'hollywood, explosions' type of chemistry that she had only twice in her life and that's what she's allowing to guide her on her romantic path. 'hollywood explosions' I think is probably what everyone would ideally like to have, but a lot of us realize that this might not be quite reality all the time (and it doesn't tell us what everyday life is going to be like with that person, the little things). That may sound a little sad to the romantic in all of us, but honestly, getting to 'hollywood explosions' via another route is obviously totally viable (and what I believe you're talking about).
To have a true, deep connection with someone, instantly, is special. But it doesn't always have to be romantic. Now how scary is that? Not that it's not romantic, but that you would devote so much of your emotional capacity to someone whom you are not romantically involved with, yet, I think, personally, it's necessary, because the people who are in our lives, that we depend on and love, need to have some of that emotional capacity if we are truly to be complete in ourselves!
In any case, back to the question, a lot of men are most definitely driven by hormones and if they don't instantly feel physical, sexual attraction to a girl, that's enough to call it. That's not to say they're wrong because that is definitely an important part of any healthy relationship (personal opinion!), but some guys are looking for a lot more (at least the ones who are looking for something more long-term and worth a dime).
I can't tell you much of other people's search, but I can tell you that personally, I am looking for someone who I am definitely physically attracted to, but more important than that, someone who I have really great, intellectual AND completely stupid and base banter with, who I'm comfortable being myself with. Attraction definitely grows if there's a mental/emotional connection. I'm looking for a feeling (hooked on a feelingg... lala la) as i think most people are. I'm also looking for someone who's open and still feeling her way about the world and open to new experiences and is actively out there looking for them herself, someone who doesn't necessarily need to define herself by me and is comfortable in herself, knows who she is and where she wants to go and wouldn't mind having a companion along the road. That's obviously not something that a person just says out loud and you believe, but it's definitely something you can figure out fairly honestly with a good long conversation or conversations/experiences together. These are all things that I like in myself.
I've found that lately, I'm really happy with the person I am, right now. I'm comfortable with what I can and cannot do, who I am and who I am not. I want to feel like the woman I'm with is not necessarily at the exact same place in her life's journey, but somewhere pretty close where I am so that we can relate and continue along the path at roughly the same starting point. Now for a guy like me, I'm finding also that faith and not just faith, but my particular religion is important to me as well, and that's something that I want to be able to share and walk together with a person with as well and to be able to talk about those things openly and honestly are important qualities to find (this is one I'm struggling with specifically with someone in my life now)! Those are the things that I want to be able to see in a woman and those are the things that attract me. What is it for other guys? I can't tell you for certain unfortunately, but I can tell you that hopefully, the men that you and your friends are meeting feel somewhat like I do because otherwise, what's the point?
There are a lot, I mean a lot, of assholes out there (men AND women) and you and your girlfriends are just going to run into them over and over again. That's the process. Hopefully though, there are a few in there sprinkled in that aren't and are worth some of your emotional capacity whether it be romantic or friendly, because we all need both for sure.
So anyways, instant chemistry? well, i can't tell you what drives person A and person B, but I can tell you that if you know what you're looking for (honestly know), then chemistry isn't necessarily defined as an instant feeling, but one you can develop even over a long conversation or date based on what you can honestly say to yourself that you're looking for. It's not completely a checklist of attributes per se, but if that someone can start getting you to make a new checklist of things that only pertain to him (her), then well, maybe you've got something.
whew! long one, so anyways, feel free to chew that over and tell me what you think or how stupid you think I sound, etc etc, please feel free to be honest and open with me on it all! I'm happy to chat about it!

Friend: No, I completely agree with your points!! I think we're all looking at it that way. I wonder if it's online thing... To immediately stop talking to someone if you don't feel that instant spark. Neither my girlfriends nor I have run into this problem in our 15+ years of dating and online is the only new equation. Hmm, maybe this could be a book?!? Then i'll sell the book for a movie script!! Haha!!

Me: If you write it, I want some credit!
I think the online thing DOES put a new variable into the equation because you are presented with WAY more information about a person BEFORE you actually meet them in person than you ever have in the past. If you met someone for the first time in real life, you don't know anything about them, you have no way of preforming ideas of who this person is and what to compare it to.
With online, you have a LOT of information about the person and depending on their ability to write about themselves, you can get a REALLY good feel for what their personality MIGHT be in person - you essentially start off the relationship in a MUCH different point than if you were to just happen to meet randomly and that most definitely paints the situation differently. (you also have the situation where the person completely misrepresents himself/herself online and you figure that out pretty quickly too)


So anyways, any thoughts out there?

Eat. Think. Eat

So I'm sitting here taking a break on a Saturday night, just catching up on some shows and honestly, just trying to slow my 1098102938 mph life for a moment in time. What am I watching? well, what else? Anthony Bourdain, no reservations of course! And what's the topic or place of eats you ask? Obsessed.
Now I like to think I'm pretty freakin obsessed with food. I really do. I really am. But as they say, there's always someone more ____ than you. I agree.
Right now on the show, he's going through a little vignette on three food bloggers and well, what else, eating with them. Anthony Bourdain makes a set of comments as each blogger takes out a camera and snaps shots of the food and AB asks, at what point do you just enjoy the food? There's obsessed and then there's letting your amazing food get cold and not as good as when it first comes out!!
Now I am DEFINITELY one to take pictures of my food because honestly, it's beautiful stuff, not just visually, but mentally. I am definitely of the opinion that you need to feast with your eyes and mind before you eat and especially when I'm cooking, I like to set up each guest mentally and visually before serving because it's an EXPERIENCE, not just eating, but an experience.
But there have been occasions when I forget to whip out the camera and occasions when I specifically do NOT take it out because I know there's something special in front of me.
Usually, it's not just amazing food that I want to devote all my time and energy at THAT specific time on, but it's also ridiculously amazing company that I want to devote all my time and energy on as well.
I just came back from NYC eating at arguably the most amazing meal that I've had in my life at PER SE, and I remember making what seems to me now, an absolutely absurd comment. We had great banter with our server and at one point in the night I said something along the lines of, "this food is amazing and wonderful, but it's just food, I am enjoying the experience because of the company, I am here for the company and getting to enjoy this with the amazing people in my life." Shocking. Me, David, dismissed the food in favor of the company! And you know what, I didn't once take my camera out (luckily one of my friends did), but I was absolutely caught up in the moment of that meal, that company, and it was in a word, fun.
I have to admit, without the fantastic company that I keep when I eat, it just wouldn't make any sense. If I can't share the experience with people, both those I love and care about and the new strangers who become fast friends because of the experience, then this obsession would mean absolutely nothing to me.
So to all those out there that I am honored to share food and drink with, salud! Let's have another ;)

Simple.

Simple joys. I want to live seeking the simple joys of life. Those moments that put a true smile to one's face, simple, pure, unadulterated. You know the one, things tend to shine, sparkle, if only for a moment, it's all you need. When you can reach down to the depths of your soul and find that one grain of truth, true joy. We look and marvel at children because that is exactly what you see in their eyes, their actions, their love. Close your eyes and just reach; reach for that moment where nothing else matters. Be simple, clean. Two people truly in love, caught in the moment. Anticipation as grandmother prepares your favorite dish with love. That one biteful that you can close your eyes and just remember. The kindness of strangers. The gentle caress of the wind of a cool spring day, with the scent of love, the sound of nothing, and all the thoughts of a blank canvas in your head.
A simple touch, a kiss, sweet, light, fleeting.

what I want

Can I just live a fun, simple, and honest life with fun, simple, and honest people in it? No games, no crap, just people who want to be respectful, want to be honest and open. Say what you mean, mean what you say. No one says that life can't be fun and spontaneous at all! These things are not mutually exclusive damn it! If you're uncomfortable, say so. If you don't like me or something that I do, say so. I will try my best to address the issue head on with a bit of embarrassment, but honest humility. I'm not getting 'too old' for this, honesty and love shouldn't be assumed by age, they should be offered willingly by all and to all. What the heck is wrong with people these days? I spend so much energy on things that don't matter. I want to spend my energy on the things that do.

Holiday Time musing

So it's holiday time again and I've got a few thoughts on my mind I wanted to get out.
I just finished watching 'Elf' again (yay Zooey Deschanel!) and as absurd as it may sound, it gets me going sometimes right at the end when she starts singing 'Santa Claus is Coming to Town.' You know why? well, because at that moment, everything is kind of just pure. Pure emotion whatever it may be, really affects. It's like trying to experience things like a child does. That child has no clue how to take his experience except from a completely pure and untainted state of mind. You can enjoy the wonder of the world for what it is, no pretense, no history to color your thoughts, just the moment. I know we've all experienced it before, just getting lost in the moment.
I've been listening to this singer (got it from Issa originally), Molly Lewis and the best i can describe, going along with this post, is that her music is just fun. That's it. and that's enough. =)

Sad day

So last night, around 10pm, my neighbor down on the corner, passed away. Him and his wife were the very first people that welcomed me to the neighborhood, even before my house was completed. He was a large and friendly gentleman, always willing to stop what he was doing and just shoot the shit as they say. He was a bit crass, but always always respectful and warm and him and his family make this neighborhood feel like home.
We don't usually get to pick our neighbors, but I can't say enough about the folks who have been placed by my side here and it's truly a sad day to have lost one so suddenly.
He had just celebrated his 25th wedding anniversary with his loving wife and she still calls him her best friend. Amazing. How absolutely lucky and blessed she is to have had 25 years and even in his last night, she told him he had stick around for at least another 20 years and although he had trouble speaking, he eeked out, "no, 70". I can only hope and pray to have even just a sliver of a moment of time with a love like that.
Say hello to Jesus for me Randy and pop a beer for me...

To the couple in 19A and B

Thank you for sharing your plane ride with me today! Isn't it funny how open and accommodating we all become when we're crammed up in small and uncomfortable quarters with the most stranger of the strangers out there?
If you don't believe that we as human beings long for connections and human interaction and belonging, then you really haven't sat next to anyone on a plane! It's amazing what we allow ourselves to share for the few little hours of our lives that we share with one another. Now granted, this can be a dangerous thing, but come on, go bungee jumping, live a little! Take a leap!
I've met some of the nicest people on planes and it really makes me put a little more hope in the human race when I do. There's so many people out there who don't give a d*mn about you and me and it's all me me me, but honestly, I like to think that's a small minority, and when I complete a plane ride as I did today, I am uplifted with a bit of hope.
So to John and Elaine from Jersey, thanks for the ride, I hope I was as much of a joy to your flight as you were to mine!

We all make our order

It’s funny how peoples’ minds work isn’t it? Take my own, my mind seems to make memories based on smells, tastes, and vehicles. Sometimes, I remember someone’s face by remembering the car they used to drive, but more often than not, it seems to come in that order, car, then face. A lot of times, it’s the same with events and faces when I’m eating. They say your memory is really linked to your sense of smell and it’s really true for me. Food, then faces.
So think how odd to me that this past week I spent in New Jersey and New York, working, eating. Food, work, then faces. I’ve been absolutely ecstatic that I was able to get reservations at Babbo Italian Restaurant, Mario Batali’s restaurant. It takes a month in advance at least, to get reservations and luckily this time around, I was able to plan things out to get those reservations. In fact, this time around, I had enough advance notice to actually put together a small group to eat with that was not just limited to coworkers that were with me on the trip. Faces, food.
Therein lies the oddity. For all intents and purposes, I should have been absolutely ready, prepared to immerse myself in this wonderful food, prepared with deliberation and intent for the sole purpose of eating and yes, entertaining me and my friends. But I have to say, the food wasn’t the highlight, I didn’t even THINK to bring out my camera to take pictures until almost the end of the meal, and did not stay the conversation to expressly enjoy the food itself. No, the conversation and fun, flowed just as evenly as the 9 wonderful courses made their way out to us, and in fact, overwhelmed the experience and makes me sit back now thinking. This was an experience! Gastronomical, yes, but social, and utterly enjoyable. 2 hours, 2 bottles, 9 courses, 3 unrelated, but completely open and enjoyable guests at the table. THIS is how we should all experience our meals, this is how we should break bread and enjoy people. So simple! Beautiful food, wonderful company, and truly, the time to enjoy it all. If only all our meals could be enjoyed as such! Faces, voices, food.

Extraordinary

I am absolutely flabbergasted that every day I am presented with someone in my life - friend, family, stranger - that is absolutely extraordinary in some way, shape, or form. Seriously. I am surrounded by the most amazing and interesting people. I may not realize it at the time, but reflection makes my eyes see what I may not have in the moment.
Let's all fine-tune our senses and find the extraordinary in others 'in the moment' so that we can reflect on how lucky we are to live this life.

Wake up in the morning

So every morning I'm woken by the sounds of Christian radio (KSBJ) via my alarm clock. Some mornings I wake up early enough to catch Dr. James C. Dobson and his Focus on the Family talkshow. I don't always necessarily listen full-ear to the ground when it comes up (I just woke up!), but today I woke up to him reading something.
It wasn't his voice that made me perk up, but what he was reading. I just sat, completely wrapped up in the words that felt like they were flowing from the author herself - Dr. Dobson's mother. It was a letter, a love letter in fact, to her husband who had just passed at the time. The words were absolutely heart-wrenching and left me in an almost grief-stricken state as I sat and pondered what had happened. The short of it? I think one line I remember sums it up best - "we became me."
It wasn't the eloquence that made me rapt to listen, but the simplicity of her letter - not in the simplicity of the words, but the raw, basic emotions that they were written from. It's like a single string in a cacophony of sounds that becomes bold and strong, different from the others around it.

This was truly love in the greatest and simplest form and I hope that we all get a chance to experience it.

sorry for the reference

So I watch 'How I Met Your Mother' pretty religiously and today's episode struck a chord. I'll just post a short transcript:

"...The great moments of your life won't necessarily be the things you do, they'll also be the things that happen to you. Now I'm not saying you can't take action to affect the outcome of your life, you have to take action, and you will. But never forget, that on any day, you can step out the front door, and your whole life can change forever. You see the universe has a plan, kids, and that plan is always in motion. A butterfly flaps its wings and it starts to rain. It's a scary thought, but it's also kind of wonderful; all these little parts of the machine, constantly working, making sure that you end up exactly where you're supposed to be, exactly when you're supposed to be there. The right place, at the right time. "


maybe we all need to take a lesson sometimes

Easter and the rest of the Triduum

So I had a pretty darn good Triduum this year! This is I believe, one of the first years that I actually attended all three days of the Triduum, all really due to the fact that I sing in the choir at my local church.
I have to say, I don't remember being so moved in previous years, but each day had it's moment when I actually got a little choked up thinking about what we were doing and what was truly happening ...

Holy Thursday. As I sat there during mass, I remember thinking of all the other times that I had been in a mass and actually taken part in the washing of the feet. I actually do remember taking part in it back for a couple of years at the University Catohlic Center in Austin. I want to even say that I did it the first year I was there and we were still in the 'old' building. wow. That was a while back.
At this church though, they don't invite the whole congregation to take part, but ask a few folks who have truly given so much to the church in the past year to come up and not only get their own feet washed, but wash others'. as I have done for you...
This year, as I sang during this part, I sat and watched and lost myself from time to time in that simple act, somehow we linked back and it was as if the past and the present were all there in one action and my mind just raced thinking that this, this was what Jesus did, knowing that he would die. How many of us can give up ourselves in humility like that...

Good Friday. I decided not to go to the 3pm at my local church as I was dead tired after work and everything so I decided to join some of my good friends at St. Clare of Assisi's 7pm. What a beautiful ceremony! I DEFINITELY remember going to Good Friday masses in my college days. I remember vividly placing nails at the foot of the cross, bending my whole body down in veneration and just praying. I remember vividly placing rose petals, kissing the wood and just laying there. This year, I came up, knelt on both knees and tried my best to brush the bottom most part of the cross. I just didn't feel worthy enough to do much else.

Easter vigil. The big show. Here it came and I can't remember a more fun Easter mass that I had been to. We have a wonderful French Cajun priest at my local church who has no qualms letting the Holy Spirit come on out and keep things lively! The joy and the utter amazement in his words and actions are very apparent and it's fun to watch. period. After he blessed those newly inducted, he couldn't help himself and just burst forth, "I love doing that!" and I believed him!
The most poignant part though for me, was right before he asks each candidate, "do you wish to be baptized in the faith that you have just proclaimed?" It is SO different heard like this than when it's a child being baptized! do YOU wish it? Not, do you wish this child to, or anything else, it is YOU. It's a wholly personal decision that these people get to make in full knowing. how amazing! I can't lie, I was slightly jealous that they got to make that decision like that.
The congregation was so awesome too! After each person had been drenched in the waters, a great big 'AMEN' went through the crowd and then huge applause! These people were truly overjoyed to welcome their new brothers and sisters and it was SO good! And I remember the last gentleman, when the last pitcher of water was poured over his head, an older gentleman near me whom I can only believe was his father or father in law or something like that, bolt up straight out of his seat and clapped as if noone were watching. The pride in the simple, yet so joyous, act of deliberate, and knowing surrender was so evident in the father's actions, it was truly moving.

Easter morning. So I went to morning mass with my parents as I often do, but this year was ever more important as I cannot forget to spend time at church with the family on such an important day. Getting to take part in Easter mass with the 'rents is always joyful. What stuck out in my mind though, as I went to receive the cup, it was a familiar gentleman who offered it, and although it is a Korean church and he's white (and he offers the cup in Korean), he gave a welcoming smile as I came up, said in English, "The blood of Christ," as if saying to me, peace be with you, and it felt like going home again.
Then catch up with old friends and go home to spend lunch/dinner with the family. Good times for sure.

Hoping your Easter was as blessed and wonderful as my own.

Food pr0n party

So as I was watching the latest episode of Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations, episode labeled "Food Porn," all I could think was, damn, it's been a while since I've tried a totally new and crazy food item. I am in need of a bit of a taste palette tease.
As such, I think it may be an opportunity to get some of my more near and dear foodies to get together and have a little tasting party.

Of most interesting note from the No Reservations episode that I would really like to try to make, super soft boiled egg covered with a nice stinky, melty, soft cheese, and shaved truffles. Yum.

Heck, why not just call it a Food Pr0n party. Anyone in blogger world in?

I never do this, but i can't sleep

Ok crips, I'll play

25 things

1) For some reason, the date looks cooler in my head written with periods rather than slashes or dashes, and with leading zeros, 01.31.09, except that all goes out the door if I'm writing by hand...

2) When writing by hand, I almost always write the year with a 'k' instead of some other normal way. 01/31/2k9

3) I've got What Not to Wear recording on my DVR every week and I'm not behind...

4) On crappy days, sometimes I'll make some food and go sit in the garage and eat by myself.

5) Something about the electronic sound of a ratchet makes me feel good. ie, if you listen to Postal Service's Brand New Colony. Actually, electronic music sounds in general are pleasing to my ears, but I can't stand just electronic music with no lyrics. Acoustic guitar accompanied by a piano comes in at a very very close second.

6) I need to spend time alone or at least in quiet from time to time to recharge my batteries. That's why I consider myself an introvert

7) No matter how long it's been since I've seen someone, if we used to be close and it was just a matter of time and distance that we hadn't seen each other, I am always able to pick up where we left off. It's weird to me when someone you used to be close and open with no longer can be that way with you (unless there was something that happened, a falling out of sorts or something)

8) More than half of the music I listen to is 80's music or artists from the 80's who actually made the transition and are still around. Of that music, very little of it is the normal billboard top 20 type 80's music

9) No matter what you think based upon how clean I keep my car, I really don't mind at all if your car is dirty or messy! I can't tell you how many times someone has apologized about the state of their car specifically in reference to how clean I keep my car. It's not my car! I don't care!

10) I almost never make my bed up unless I'm going out of town or sometimes, very rarely, when someone's coming over.

11) I really wouldn't be able to tell you whether I prefer the garage or the kitchen. They're both equally good.

12) I've got a huge nerd crush on Zooey Deschanel. There's just an overall feeling that I'd be into her. Definitely something different there. I like that.

13) I like people. I would hate to surround myself with people who were all the same. I love the diversity of life and as long as you're nice and considerate of me and other people, I love that you do, think, or whatever differently from everybody else.

14) I wish people could just communicate and talk openly, especially if something I'm doing makes them uncomfortable, I don't mind looking the fool as long as I learn something from it... well, ok, i mind looking the fool, but I will most definitely get over it as long as you can too

15) I hate it when people in traffic turn their signal to switch lanes on, then take 2 or more lanes instead of canceling and re-signaling. How do I know if you meant to come over more than just 1 lane?

16) I've crashed twice on my motorcycles, but I very luckily didn't get hurt in either case. (wear your gear!)

17) Every now and then, I get the desire to get up, move to a completely different city I've never been to, don't know anyone in, and do a reset. There's definitely something about starting over. (I'm sure everyone gets this at one point or another, but still)

18) I have written down the number of miles, number of gallons, and price of every single tank of gas I have put in all three of my vehicles since I've owned them. I can show you an excel graph of my mpg of any of them if you were interested

19) I didn't drink alcohol until I was 21 years old and even then, I didn't go apepshit on my 21st bday. It was harder to NOT drink than to drink, so I went that route. I don't have a hard moral line on drinking unless you've got a problem. I did take sips or tastes when my parents or grandparents let me try it

20) I prefer to be the caretaker rather than the person who needs to be taken care of

21) I joined my local church's choir as a bass and sang in a non-denominational praise team in college. I do not consider myself a singer or someone with any talent in any way though.

22) I work with a lot of really really talented and smart people and wonder what the heck I'm doing there sometimes.

23) I would love to have a dog (german shepherd or something along those lines with the long pointed noses), but until I'm actually responsible for another lifeform (ie a baby), I won't even consider it because I don't want the responsibility, the clean up, the costs, etc...

24) I very rarely go to sleep before midnight, every night. Although I need to work on that as it's getting ridiculous.

25) I couldn't tell you what I thought I was going to be or even what I wished I would be when I was young, but I can tell you that I like who I am now.

let's take a walk

Why is it so easy to fall back into the person we once were? The person who is here now is clearly not the same, yet, it's so easy. Why does it have to be that way? I guess it's just easier to be easy than it is hard to be hard...
Wow, talk about bright stuff, eh? History repeats itself, yet if it's not the same person, is it really a repeat? I guess you can't really put minute details on such things.

I know that I have changed. I want to continue to change. I like people. I want to continue to meet people.
Why is it that today's world, that stranger next to you isn't potentially someone with a great story to tell, but is apparently a sexual predator who's going to kidnap your kid, or a murderer who's going to follow you out the door, or hell, just someone who's not worth your time? Not cool enough, not bright enough, not worth a moment's slice of time.

More often than not, in my short and unassuming life, I've found that the random stranger loves to talk, loves to share, loves to just find another human being in this lonely world.

If a tree falls in the forest and noone is there to care, is it lonely?

I'm no hippie tree hugger don't get me wrong. Take that for what it's worth; you and I could be that tree.

It's funny the path your mind flows when you just let it flow. Meander down the path that leads you to well... nowhere. But somehow, even as cliche as it may seem, the journey's kind of worth it. If we knew the path took us nowhere, would we enjoy the journey more?

I guess it's a half empty, half full kind of thing. Go nowhere, why continue the path, or go nowhere, let's enjoy what's here and now. wow, existential.

Why do we play games with each other? Is it really that fun? I like you, you like me, she likes him, he likes her, he likes he, she likes she, he likes, it, that she likes, it, red, blue, yellow, magenta, pearl, sky...

Maybe Barney had something back then. What's up with that anyways? If we had so many kids who grew up singing and believing that I love you, you love me, and we're such a happy family, why hasn't THAT shaped our society? I guess not enough people actually liked that big purple suit.

I like to think that maybe we did have enough who did. fin

Happy New Year

Well, happy new year everyone! I have to say, 2009 SUCKS so far. I had one thing after another happen starting on the very freakin first second of the new year, but hopefully things look up from here because I'm not sure I'll be able to handle it if it gets any lower than this!
Hope yours is going well, and if I can help out in any ways, please let me know!

Who's your biggest cheerleader?

So I've been thinking about this lately and figured it'd be some good blog content. (sorry for the slight detour from the hill country trip, it's been a busy week)

In any case, I have a few friends whom I am absolutely one of their biggest cheerleaders/supporters. I mean, if they've got an idea for something they want to do, or build, or pretty much any pie in the sky dream, I am 100% in support of it. I'm not being facetious or have some alterior motive at all either, I truly believe these people can do whatever it is that they put their hearts and minds to. Heck, if they wanted to rope the moon and bring it down to the ground, I'd believe they could do it and support them.

But it's not like that with me for everyone. I started thinking about that in these last couple of days. Why? Why am I not fully supportive of all my friends' wishes and dreams, small daily tasks and accomplishments, hell, just whatever they feel they want to tell me? If they feel like it's something worth mentioning, then why can't I just understand that they're trying to share something with me that's important to them?
I have no reason to rain on anyone's parade unless they're going to physically harm themselves or put themselves in a hole that they cannot come out of. But also, how am I all of a sudden so smart to know how deep a hole they CAN'T get out of? Or why even think they're gonna put themselves IN a hole? There's that negativity...

I am NOT that smart. I don't have that kind of insight. I can't read minds.

Why do I feel like I am so critical with some people? I don't need to be that way. I know, I KNOW, that I don't mean to be critical and I am DEFINITELY not trying to be condescending. I don't want to come off that way. What's that old golden rule? exactly.

So from now on I am going to try to think about my first gut reaction to anything someone's trying to share with me. I'm going to think about it before opening my mouth and try to figure out what the appropriate thing say should be; even if it's nothing at all.
Are they truly seeking advice or just a shoulder? Are they truly looking for a reaction or just want someone to listen and cheer them on?

I want to be supportive and do everything in my power to help my friends be what they want; more than they could ever think they could be. I want my friends to be happy, because what more can any of us strive for than to be happy and reach the goals that feel like they're out of our reach?

The moon can feel a little bit smaller, a little bit closer, maybe together, we can put a rope around it.

James Sparks

Well, this past Monday, a good friend of mine and old coworker at Spacehab (my first job out of college) died from injuries sustained from a motorcycle accident.

He leaves behind an 11 yr old son and numerous loved ones who will continue to mourn his loss...

As long as I've known James, he's always been a good person. He looked like your typical pumped up (he liked to work out) jock/brash headed frat boy type, but he was never like that surprisingly. He always had his moral boundaries, was always always respectful to his elders no matter the situation, dropped whatever he was doing immediately if his mom or dad or friend needed anything, big or small.

He always understood what you were trying to say, never put you in a situation where you would be uncomfortable, was just a great guy. He will be missed and continue to be loved.

I will post up what pics I have of him later, but here's a vid his cousin made:

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=33692105

Mirror post from facebook: The glass half full; let yourself experience.

I'm sure there's a tool to mirror or put updates on facebook from xanga and this blog... gonna have to look into that at some point =P

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So the other day I was at a party talking with some people, who, like many in this huge city of ours, have had to transplant themselves from wherever they either are from, or want to be. The unfortunate attitude that comes with this type of move more often than not is, "Houston sucks, I'm leaving the city in X number of years once I get my chance."

Listen, I understand the problems that come with living in Houston. I understand traffic blows; I understand finding the cool things to do in this city requires effort and driving long distances; I understand that 'long distance' means something completely different to you if you're not from here; I understand the weather is HOT, your lawn may not be soft and cuddly, the world as we know it may be completely unbearable at times.

I get it.

I may not agree with you in all the things that suck, but I understand.

What I don't get is why continue down such a negative path and live your life hating everything around you in this city? Really, this isn't even a rant about my distaste in the 'houston sucks' attitude, it's larger than that. If everything sucks in whatever or wherever you are, why not find the things that don't suck and make some compromises in your life so that you can enjoy those things that could really make you happy?

I am of the opinion that no matter where I am, I believe I could find people and experiences that can really make me happy.

People. People make such a difference. You can stick me in the scariest, or most boring, or most terrible situation you can think of, and with people, I can find joy, happiness, love, life. No matter where you are, no matter what the language, the social barriers, the pedigree, you can find wonderful, wonderful people. How do I know? Because I have found it; found them in all that I do. A simple recalibration; a simple opening of your mind, attitude, and barriers, and something wonderful happens - people do the same for you.

Experiences. We fly through life from one experience to another. Whether small or grande, those experiences make life wonderful. Why take so much effort to identify or continue having a bad experience? A simple recalibration and you may not be able to get rid of a bad experience, but you can minimize them and hell, make them learning experiences. Is it simple semantics? No. It's how you live your life.

Let's make active choices to live as we want to live. If you truly want to continue to live in negativity, then that choice is yours, at least you've made it. But can you at least try to see the other side and let go? Let go, let yourself experience.

Houston's got the ingredients (part deux)

My friend just sent me this article on Houston. It falls in line with my, Discover Houston, it's great, theme these days... take a peek:

http://www.american.com/archive/2008/march-april-magazine-contents/lone-star-rising